This blog post is related to our podcast MeWe, saison 1, episode 3: Hidden Driver Of Our Actions
We continue to explore and untangle our inner self as a foundation for our self-leadership. In the two first episodes of MeWe we shared about life purpose, core values and intention settings. In the 3rd episode of this summer 2021 we will talk about the hidden drivers behind our actions, our blind spots and how they influence our alignment, projects and life transitions.
What is alignement?
According to Marie-Amélie from Holistic MAO, being aligned is living in harmony with
your deeper self, in great authenticity. We are like gardeners of our life.
Concretely it means:
get to know yourself well, with among others, the core values we talked in the last episode
fully accepting yourself, as human being, on Earth in this transformative 21st century
live in coherence between what you really need, what you say and what you do
making life choices with your heart and not only your mind
Understanding the cycles
Being and living in alignment is a long path of transformation. It starts with the easy part, the material changes we can control and implement to create the everyday lifestyle we like as a container for our empowerment. The real work starts when we open our hearts and look at our shadows. Let’s love our shadows because they bring us very useful information about what happened to us. These shadows, also known as limiting beliefs or conditionings, have their source in our developmental wounds during childhood. It is the case for every human being as there are no perfect parents, only loving parents who did their best at that time. As kids, and then adults, we developed strategies to answer and cope with what happened to us and the emotions associated. We can call them masks. They are very useful when we
are little, but most of the time become unsuitable, too small, too big, too scratchy at some point. These masks are mental structures, often rigid, like filters through which we see and interpret ourselves, the others and the world. They can be source of self-sabotage when they cut us off from our resources, when they reduce our range of possibilities, and hamper the deployment of our potential.
The cycle could be summarize like this: childhood wounds > (limiting) beliefs > strategies and masks > actions done with a filter > consequences nourishing the (limiting) beliefs > childhood wounds
Compassionate path to alignement
Like an elevator going inside us, in the cellar, one of the activity, done by yourself or with the help of a coach, is to:
observe and bring to light the underlying beliefs behind your unrealized dreams, your fixed ideas, your convictions to which we are clinging, your demands, your defensive reactions, mistrust, avoidance...
understand the usefulness that it has given so far, the needs fed
thank this part of you and accept it
look for unmet needs, what is stopping me from living?
reformulation of the conviction, with what is relevant and heart opening for you, from now on
For instance, I have grown up in a family with a grand-father that used to be an architect. He was an entrepreneur and took care of a family of 5 kids. I grew up with talks around the difficulty it is to be independent. When I decided to quit my salaried worker this belief came back to my mind. I had to deprogram it and accept the fact that It’s ok not be loyal to my family anymore, they will continue to love me anyway; I can create the life that suits me best with freedom and creativity and certainly little more risks as well.
This deprogrammation/reprogrammation circle could be applied to any sector of life: love, friendship, relations, etc...
Bringing more consciousness
The Canadian psychiatrist, Eric Berne (founder of Transactional Analysis) has highlighted 5
major injunctions that influence our way of seeing life, reacting to events, making choices,
being in relationships, managing our stress, etc...
Based on a 40 questions questionnaire you can understand what are your major driver in life (if you don’t recognise yourself in the list below)
● Be strong: “to be appreciated, loved and/or recognized, it is important to ignore our weaknesses” and therefore cut ourselves off from our emotions ● Be perfect: “always strive for perfection” ● Please people: "Make us happy! take care of others before taking care of oneself.” ● Make efforts: "work, work, work to be successful. Easy success is worth nothing” ● Hurry up: “taking your time is wasting time”
These injonctions are linked to restrictive messages and of course it’s possible to neutralize
them. (If you are interested in taking the questionnaire don’t hesitate to contact Marie-Amélie.)
What about you?
What are your beliefs about entrepreneurship, success, money, creativity, women leadership, other topics? Are they limiting or supporting yourself? Who/Where do they come from? For the limiting one you don’t want to keep, what were they useful for so far? What injonction do you want to soften in your life to feel more light and aligned?
WOMADE is an all-female community & coworking space in Brussels — follow us on Instagram
MeWe is WOMADE's official podcast sharing empowering stories to inspire ambitious women — follow us on Instagram
Marie-Amélie Ormières is an Holistic Coach & Therapist, and founder of MAO — follow her on Instagram
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